Will she judge my house?
Will she judge my house?
Will she judge my house?
Will she judge my house?
A conversation about clutter, shame and why I became a professional organiser
A conversation about clutter, shame and why I became a professional organiser
One of the things I hear all the time is “I’m embarrassed for you to see my house.”
One of the things I hear all the time is “I’m embarrassed for you to see my house.”
I recently sat down with a former client and we talked about exactly that. What she thought before I arrived and what actually happened when I got there.
I recently sat down with a former client and we talked about exactly that. What she thought before I arrived and what actually happened when I got there.
Me:
Do you remember how you felt before I first came over?
Do you remember how you felt before I first came over?
Client:
Oh yes. Embarrassed. I was worried about what you would think.
Oh yes. Embarrassed. I was worried about what you would think.
I kept thinking, “She’s going to walk in here and wonder how we live like this.”
I kept thinking, “She’s going to walk in here and wonder how we live like this.”
Me:
Had you been thinking about getting help for a while?
Had you been thinking about getting help for a while?
Client:
For ages. I would have these bursts where I would decide, right, this weekend I am sorting everything out.
For ages. I would have these bursts where I would decide, right, this weekend I am sorting everything out.
Then I would pull everything out of a cupboard, make an enormous mess, get overwhelmed and basically end up just moving things around. I knew I needed help. I just kept putting off actually contacting you.
Then I would pull everything out of a cupboard, make an enormous mess, get overwhelmed and basically end up just moving things around. I knew I needed help. I just kept putting off actually contacting you.
Me:
Because you were embarrassed?
Because you were embarrassed?
Client:
Yes, and I think I imagined you coming into my house and being horrified.
Yes, and I think I imagined you coming into my house and being horrified.
Which sounds funny now because that was absolutely not what happened.
Which sounds funny now because that was absolutely not what happened.
Me:
What did happen?
What did happen?
Client:
You basically walked in and said, “Okay, show me.”
You basically walked in and said, “Okay, show me.”
There was no reaction. No shocked face. Nothing.
There was no reaction. No shocked face. Nothing.
I remember showing you one room that I was particularly embarrassed about and you looked excited.
I remember showing you one room that I was particularly embarrassed about and you looked excited.
Me:
That sounds like me.
That sounds like me.
Client:
You were.
You were.
I was saying, “Look at this disaster,” and you were saying, “Oh, wow the difference is going to be amazing.”
I was saying, “Look at this disaster,” and you were saying, “Oh, wow the difference is going to be amazing.”
It completely changed the mood.
It completely changed the mood.
I had been looking at everything like it was this enormous problem and you were looking at it like it was a fun project we could just work through.
I had been looking at everything like it was this enormous problem and you were looking at it like it was a fun project we could just work through.
Me:
Do you remember when you stopped feeling embarrassed?
Do you remember when you stopped feeling embarrassed?
Client:
Very quickly. Probably within the first five minutes.
Very quickly. Probably within the first five minutes.
Once we started, I forgot about it. You were very normal about everything.
Once we started, I forgot about it. You were very normal about everything.
Me:
What do you mean by normal?
What do you mean by normal?
Client:
It was like you didn’t see any mess, you were asking me what we actually used, what we needed, what annoyed me, what could go. Very pragmatic.
It was like you didn’t see any mess, you were asking me what we actually used, what we needed, what annoyed me, what could go. Very pragmatic.
Client:
Also your decluttering process, it was hard at first but I learned a lot from the way you do it. Not because I was deeply attached to everything. A lot of it was more like, “But this is still perfectly good.”
Also your decluttering process, it was hard at first but I learned a lot from the way you do it. Not because I was deeply attached to everything. A lot of it was more like, “But this is still perfectly good.”
Or, “What if we need this one day?”
Or, “What if we need this one day?”
Or I would remember what something cost.
Or I would remember what something cost.
Me:
That comes up all the time.
That comes up all the time.
Client:
You never pushed me, though.
You never pushed me, though.
That was something I had worried about as well.
That was something I had worried about as well.
I thought you might come in and start throwing everything out.
I thought you might come in and start throwing everything out.
Me:
I would never do that.
I would never do that.
You have to live in the house after I leave.
You have to live in the house after I leave.
If you want to keep something, you keep it.
If you want to keep something, you keep it.
Sometimes I will ask why. Or I might point out that you have multiples of something.
Sometimes I will ask why. Or I might point out that you have multiples of something.
But it is still your decision.
But it is still your decision.
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Your enthusiasm
for decluttering is
infectious
Your enthusiasm
for decluttering is
infectious
Your enthusiasm
for decluttering is
infectious
Client:
You did ask me why quite a lot.
You did ask me why quite a lot.
Me:
Probably.
Probably.
Client:
It was useful, though.
It was useful, though.
Because sometimes I had absolutely no answer.
Because sometimes I had absolutely no answer.
You’d say, “Do you use this?”
You’d say, “Do you use this?”
No.
No.
“Do you like it?”
“Do you like it?”
Not really.
Not really.
“So why are we keeping it?”
“So why are we keeping it?”
And I’d think… actually, I have no idea.
And I’d think… actually, I have no idea.
Me:
I think we all stop seeing our own things after a while.
I think we all stop seeing our own things after a while.
Client:
Definitely. Where does your obsession come from? Because you genuinely enjoy this.
Definitely. Where does your obsession come from? Because you genuinely enjoy this.
Me:
I really do.
I really do.
And I think a lot of it comes from growing up in a huge house with way too much stuff. My parents, who I love more than anything in the world, never threw anything away. Never. Things were just kept forever. It would not occur to them.
And I think a lot of it comes from growing up in a huge house with way too much stuff. My parents, who I love more than anything in the world, never threw anything away. Never. Things were just kept forever. It would not occur to them.
So I grew up in a house with clutter everywhere. So now I love walking into my house and seeing space. I love knowing exactly where everything is.
So I grew up in a house with clutter everywhere. So now I love walking into my house and seeing space. I love knowing exactly where everything is.
Client:
So this is basically your parents’ fault?
So this is basically your parents’ fault?
Me:
Yes. We can blame them.
Yes. We can blame them.
Client:
Does your mum know you say this?
Does your mum know you say this?
Me:
She knows.
She knows.
And she would tell you I have always been like this. Even as a young girl, I would turn her handbag upside down and get rid of all the things she would carry around for no reason. And to be honest, now at 41 I still do that. I still re-organise her spaces. She doesn’t really enjoy the process of me asking her if she “really” needs things. But she always loves the end result. And I truly love seeing how happy I can make people with something that comes so naturally to me.
And she would tell you I have always been like this. Even as a young girl, I would turn her handbag upside down and get rid of all the things she would carry around for no reason. And to be honest, now at 41 I still do that. I still re-organise her spaces. She doesn’t really enjoy the process of me asking her if she “really” needs things. But she always loves the end result. And I truly love seeing how happy I can make people with something that comes so naturally to me.
Client:
That actually explains quite a lot.
That actually explains quite a lot.
Because when you came to my house, you had so much energy for something I had been avoiding for years.
Because when you came to my house, you had so much energy for something I had been avoiding for years.
Me:
That is one of the reasons I love doing it.
That is one of the reasons I love doing it.
For me, it isn’t this horrible job.
For me, it isn’t this horrible job.
I can see quite quickly what we need to do.
I can see quite quickly what we need to do.
And once we start making progress, it gets easier.
And once we start making progress, it gets easier.
Client:
Yes your enthusiasm for decluttering is infectious.
Yes your enthusiasm for decluttering is infectious.
I think that was one of the biggest differences between trying to do it myself and doing it with you.
I think that was one of the biggest differences between trying to do it myself and doing it with you.
On my own I would pick something up and think about it for ten minutes.
On my own I would pick something up and think about it for ten minutes.
With you it was, “Keep it? Donate it? Next.” There was momentum.
With you it was, “Keep it? Donate it? Next.” There was momentum.
Me:
What changed afterwards?
What changed afterwards?
Client:
The biggest thing was probably that tidying stopped being such a massive job.
The biggest thing was probably that tidying stopped being such a massive job.
Now things actually have somewhere to go.
Now things actually have somewhere to go.
Me:
So what would you say to someone who is too embarrassed to contact me?
So what would you say to someone who is too embarrassed to contact me?
Client:
I would say that feeling lasts about five minutes.
I would say that feeling lasts about five minutes.
Then you start doing something about it.
Then you start doing something about it.
And that feels amazing.
And that feels amazing.
I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about what you were going to think of me.
I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about what you were going to think of me.
Because you really didn’t care.
Because you really didn’t care.
Me:
I cared.
I cared.
Just not about the mess.
Just not about the mess.
Client:
Yes. That’s probably a better way of saying it.
Yes. That’s probably a better way of saying it.
I cared. Just not about
the mess
I cared. Just not about
the mess
I cared. Just not about the mess
I cared. Just not about
the mess
“
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The Journal
That’s organised.
No inbox clutter. Just an occasional reminder to let go of what you no longer need, and a little organising inspiration.
The Journal
That’s organised.
No inbox clutter. Just an occasional reminder to let go of what you no longer need, and a little organising inspiration.
The Journal
That’s organised.
No inbox clutter. Just an occasional reminder to let go of what you no longer need, and a little organising inspiration.